Oh no.

How did this happen? I couldn't have let this happen, not again, not now. All these thoughts about nothing being perfect are becoming crippling, stunting my growth. The fears of connecting with people, the crying while driving, I'm seeming to think that its all spinning wildly out of control. Is it really still the safe kind of depression or is it real this time?
Oh but I won't let it go to far. There is no way that I'm letting all this work go down the tubes, even if it hasn't been work on the right dream, I cant let two years of college go. All just because I can't drive or shop with out thinking about how great everyone has it. Five years after my dad died and I still end up crying in a Target. Like really?
My former best friend at the time of my fathers death said that I should have been over it in about a week. That's a little over dramatic, but now, seriously? I'm going to be emotionally crippled for the rest of my life. I'm going to be crazy.
I feel crazy, I feel like i should be locked up. Mostly because I'm running out of ways to fix it. Maybe now I'm just being over dramatic, nicely coinciding with my diagnosis. I feel like I'm emotionally running away from everything, so I'm thinking physically running maybe the best bet. But its Philadelphia pre-spring at 7pm, and that's just not going to work out. And there's no way I can be around people in the gym and not cry, specifically skinny people. I guess I'll just brood for a while. When I do start running, don't expect me back for a while.