Bravery Never Came By Choice.(cont)

He would stare at me adoringly, feel so bold of my accomplishments, but we live as equals. Truthfully, we just live. Bravely wind ourselves in and out of eachothers lives. Going home was no longer a chore, and every phone call, worshipped. Understanding is bigger than flattery; and boldness better than bribery, in this perfect life. Love would not be this overzealous use of time and words, but a meager discussion of our comfort of compainionship. This life would be this easy and this hard; and this perfect.

Living the Dream.

In review, I have become fearful that my dreams I'm living are not the dreams I'm dreaming. Fortunately this is not the same way as before, where I could not even imagine having a future. This time I have a future, even if only seen in short spans, I'm not sure the "right" choices were the right ones after all. I'm getting caught up in the circumstance. I have seen so many people make their beautiful lives out of mistakes. I have spent so long making sure I didn't make mistakes. Theres alot of people out there who are formally put on this earth to review my life and make sure I'm doing it right.
And of course, as I am set to leave, I make a connection. And I just want to scream, GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I try so hard to make an impact when I first come back, and as soon as I accept nothing will happen, everything does. Why can't I make the right mistakes, the beautiful ones, that pop up like spring. You expect them to come but you never know when.
As usual, I just want everything to be perfect. I worked hard for what I have in Philly, and now i don't want to go back for the slightest chance that I might have something with this boy. Hes one of the few that we've liked eachother, and I can see it going somewhere. I still have plently of chances in Philly. Its just I'm not good at dreaming the future.