Illness.

Once in the hospital, I vowed to get better. Once out,
I knew I was my only hope to save myself. I worked hard, learned how to dream, found some dreams and followed them.
Sometimes I'm not sure I solved the problem the right way. I love what I'm doing but at the same time there have been plenty of factors screaming and shouting that I took the wrong path.
The more I try to fight the tide and stay afloat I remember how in my youth we were too poor to afford the swimming lessons that could one day save my life. This simple fact always reminds me that even though I have tried to control it, and I am alive today, that doesn't offer a certainty for tomorrow. I try and try to remain stable, but I am realizing that no matter how I try to stay sane by school activites or insulating myself from the world, the illness was never my choice. I keep reciting 'I chose to stay sane, I chose to live.'
Yea I didn't do the deed, but I'm not sure that really means I won't feel like shit later about what happened to me then and what happened to me now. I could easily become that depressed kid, and have no choice, no oppurtunity to change our fate.
We all want to believe that we have extreme control of our futures, especially in our youth. But we don't and we never will, but the point is we can't discount the hope we do have. They're are powers that if we let them, can strip us of the power we do hold. So lets vow to make a change we want, and don't hold still when some has the opportunity to move us around our own playing field. Hell, make the change to live.