It's over.

Sometimes there are things you just need to let go of. I've let go of a lot recently, in order to take more on.
I know I was never gonna make it in music. I think I have a good voice, but I know its forgettable. I let myself sing badly and out of tune in order to "keep my secret." How dumb. There are sometimes where I just wonder what could have happened. What if I had been able to do more then? Even this story is a secret. My voice is censored, and its stupid. I preach about no censorship, but yet I don't let on that I do these things. I've been building a bridge over a beautiful river for years. Even though the bridge is beautiful, so is what used to lie underneath.
The thought is making me shake. And as the waves in the old glasses on my desk get larger, I know I have to let this go. I have obliged to continue singing, playing guitar, and yes writing here. Maybe one day, I'll be featured on a song, or write a design book, or design a music cover. Maybe or maybe not. Even throwing these things under the bridge I am still way over my head.
I'm just a mess and I can't keep my hands out of anything, I always got to be involved in everything, learning everything I can. I'm now wondering if it was all just wasting my time.
I don't have a good option of what I would have done instead. In this moment of turbulence, I have no good options to make it end faster. I just have to wait until it's over.

Dreams.

During my evening nap, I had two dreams. One, that I had had a baby and the dream ended with me photoshopping the father out of a picture of the three of us. With the baby upright, back against my stomach in my arms, I was perfectly fine with out a man. The second had the interest of white century schoolbook on the background of flesh composited from my right lower back and left cheek. The way I woke up both these locations were on the same parallel as if I were twisting them towards the sun.