I now realize I was looking for an unnecessary piece of the dream
Something I'll never find.

Friday Morning.

Finally waking up, I rolled myself on to the edge of the bed, sitting up. He sat down next to me, putting on his socks. As I reached for my pile of clothes, I saw the shirt he had been wearing when I came in. I hadn't remembered him taking it off, although I do remember the soft skin of his chest and the exterior light coolness of it and warmth underneath.
It wasn't supposed to happen, but it was nothing I was going to keep preventing myself from. Its not that it was immoral or wrong, it was that my strong head lead me to a way of solidarity. The story seems so common, and therefore I feel it is has no worth than the people that occupy it.
He's obnoxiously tall, and I'm obnoxiously loud, but he fits me when I sleep and silences me with his kissing. It works for whatever it is right now. I feel compelled to sit on his bed while he works, finally approaching all the reading I've been yearning for. I've had this awkward image in my head of us for a while now, sitting straight up but close in his apartment. My bare feet are up on the cushion with a 40 in between them, and he has some mixed drink. It always makes me laugh how he slips into conversations that he has liquor. I'm much more a beer girl, liquor usually starts off disastrous nights. But if he supplys it, I'll probably be there to finish it.
I have a weird trust in him, and I have no idea where it comes from. We have been just talking for a long time, and this past Friday morning, proved me wrong. I really thought it could never work out, but being in real person, just changes everything.

Spring.

It seems in the last years, that spring is a tainted season for me. For others it signals new beginnings, for me it symbolizes the end of life as we know it. Early this week and the weekend before that, it was all I could think about, what will end now? Maybe this year, the fifth one, is an earthy catalyst, were the stars shift their course. My sister is getting married to a man I always considered as a brother, I'm letting a pseudo relationship happen, and I'm moving into a Philadelphia apartment with a roommate I can trust and rely on. I feel like I've learned to keep my inhibitions reserved. In the last year and a half, I learned who I was, and now I'm just learning how to live like it.

Truths.

I think I'm prettier when I'm sad.

I believe getting drunk will give me bearings on where a relationship is going.

If I could run from Philadelphia to Baltimore, everything would be alright.

I wish I could fix things that didn't involve mechanics.

I find sexual organs foreign and unnecessary.

I never have any idea what I'm doing.

I make lucky guesses, and I feel bad because people rely on me for those guesses.

I'm just scared. And I'm afraid that if someone takes that fright away from me I will have lost all my soul.