Pause.

I'm waiting for someone the drop their umbrella and jump puddles with me. There has been an amazing amount of opportunities as of late, none of them made good. I'm getting sick of the no longer societal, but a biological need to find a mate. At the same time I feel fine with out a specific connections. Everything I have always wanted, I found, just here and there in every hookup. I love the way he leaves me here, waking me slowly; I love the way he holds my hand without suffocating me. There is no way for me to accelerate this search for the one who holds all these qualities. I just now have the bravery that when some guy says, " well if we do it, I'll see if you I like you then," to respond, "lets see if you like it when I walk away."

In Words Profound or Less.

For a class I have to describe my lifestyle and for one of the few times in my life its very hard to come up with a delicate way to dance around the syllables. It's another one of my flaws, flaws that are seeming to add up to be more than I could ever amount to. I was hoping here I could channel the words to describe the answer I've been grasping for this last week, but it's seeming to be the same dull message that passes between my synapses this week every year. The week including my birthday seems to bring some sort of despair, and even though I am approaching my 19th time, the solution is still just as elusive. I guess I feel as though I'm faced with my own mortality. Still, nothing is perfect, and damnit, I want it to be perfect. With this year in particular, I assumed it would be all different and I changed it back with my nervous pace.
I am a happier, brighter, cuter version of myself, supposedly. I still get angry at the same things, I'm starting to get nervous again, and I still cant fucking get over how people throw away their lives on being superficial and self-centered. But then again I just said I was cute.
Here is the part where I lead into some griping over an event, but in honor of those around me, I will leave this out so their will be one more slice of tree they can comfortably wipe their asses with. I hope its Charmin.