Music, a Muse.

Somehow I wish I had some magically reflective way to write about the way I love music, but I have no way to convey it as I have previous events. When I listen to the songs I love, it is like my lifelong search for perfection has been completed, yet the quest for the ultimate will continue. Because with anything, perfection is never enough. And I love coming back from classes I love and seeing the people I rather spend my time with, and then I just have this time to listen to music and draw and paint or whatever I want.
Over time this great circle has been created, that I find amazing to this day. From the words of the music, to the words of these pages, to the words in art, back to the art in music, the art bound in this volume and the art bound in my sketch book. I never thought the things I love could be simplified to this level, but they are all visual and audible and bound in books and put on walls and in the end, just art and words.
Separately, I wonder if I could ever get my own words tattooed on my back, and I guess there is a yes in it, but overall I think not. I have dreamed of permanence reveling in songs, but there is only one thought I have dreamt to be inked. "True Family Stays True." On first thought, it seems like a general statement of love for family, yet it reads to this story. I have plenty of blood relatives that I would never consider family, and friends that have become family. Both for the simple reason, "True Family Stays True."
I still believe in the possibility the art of the tattoo stating the fact might stand for more that the fact.

Redeemed

As I return, I wonder if the sickness will return too. I have tryed and tryed to push it out of my ears as those days almost a year ago. Two years ago I was dying to be sick and now I'm living to be sane. Soon there will be a timestamp and hopefully a lock on those days. A tattoo on my back will read "Coming Home." I feel I need this symbolism to prove to myself and yes others, that I have changed and now I can come home to myself. And ironically it also means that I can be myself despite others, even though I am providing an image to prove that very fact to others. I've wanted it and like the rest of my current life, I'm going to get it.
I know that I am not the only one that hates it when someone they cannot reconize acknoledges them in a hall, but I would still like to bet that there are less than fifty percent who feel that pure dread when they eventually put a name to a face. And that is how I saw Steven Spann today.
He looked awfully different with a full nights sleep behind him. I think this was the first time I've seen him at an appropriate hour, with out him having to repremand me. Lately, I think I have been indeed happy, refelctive maybe, but happily so. However, I still faked a smile. There is no way I would give him the impression that I was some how going to get in trouble again. I'm back, and I'm gonna stay for good.